The Great Wall

What a premise eh? The Great Wall of China built to keep out monsters! This should be great right? Wrong. This film commits not one but two cardinal sins, over using slow motion to create dramatic tension because, wait for it, it’s just plain dull. Matt D is boring, the wall is just that and even the monsters are lame, like weird predator dogs but not as scary as either. The story has just about enough weight to carry it for about 30 minutes so as you can imagine this is a tedious 2 hours of watching Matt D throw a spear at a dog beast, slowly, shoot an arrow at a four legged creature, slowly, fall in love and kiss a lady at normal speed, bor-or-ing. Anyone who manages to make a monster movie this dreary shouldn’t be allowed to make films anymore. Did I mention it’s predictable and by the book? Well it is so nothing in this film comes as a surprise as you can see it all coming a mile off. By the time the baddies had turned into a sweaty circle pit like at the front of a metal concert to protect the queen while she eats her sandwiches or something I’d long past caring. In summary it’s not great but it does contain a wall.


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