Star Wars: The Force Awakens (contains spoilers)

So has it been long enough for you all to reflect objectively? Or are you all still going to jump on me when I say that Star Wars: The Force Awakens just wasn’t that good. Not only did it feel like a remix and that maybe we’d missed a film out but it didn’t take long to realise that it was exactly the same story as A New Hope. Little robot has plans in him and has to get from a to b while the resistance are trying to work out where the exhaust port is on the new planet sized Death Star and the oldest member of the cast kicks the bucket. The only thing that is different is Carrie Fisher could move her face in the first one. Like a lot of things that J.J.Abrams does the film posed so many questions and answered precisely none of them, why was C3PO’s arm red? What was the ship that Han and Chewie were on? How can Han use a bowcaster? How does an untrained layman take on a trained Sith? Am I being too picky? Do I even care? Does Keira want some of the acting back from Daisy Ridley? But the film itself commits the most heinous of crimes it is a glorified way to sell toys. An example of this being Captain Plasma, a Boba Fett type figure seen shining in the trailer, here only in the film to sell figures. There are other examples but hey don’t worry look here’s some shooting phew phew and a joke referencing something that happened in a previous film and they even managed to make Goofy look a bit like a human with CGI to play the bad guy, Disney sure know what they’re doing except there was no songs. Goddamn it where were the songs?

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