Resident Evil: Retribution

I have used the sentence ‘I watch these so you don’t have to’ before a few times but never has it been more prevalent than for ‘Resident Evil: Retribution’, how Paul W S Anderson is still allowed to make films I will never know. Set in the Umbrella corporation’s underground base for no other reason than they can have a room that simulates Tokyo and one that looks exactly like Russia complete with snow etc and why all these different computer generated locations I hear you cry, well it’s a good backdrop for Paul’s wife, Milla Jovovich reprising her role as Alice, to kick some zombie butt. Now kicking zombie butt sounds good right? Wrong, it is awful and someone should ban Anderson from ever using slow motion ever again as he is giving it a bad name. In almost every scene fast zombies run at Milla as rock music pumps only to slow down so we can really see Milla’s over the top moves as she flips, kicks and pouts against the army of undead fodder. It feels like one long pop promo for Milla, she desperately wants to be in a music video, for the love of god someone just please put her in a music video. Elsewhere Michelle Rodriguez gurns her way through her part spending so much effort trying to look hard that in the end she just looks like she is suffering a severe bout of constipation. Yes there are guns and explosions and fast editing and blood but it’s all so stylistic that it’s just boring especially when techniques are constantly repeated to the same effect. Now I love zombies as much as the next man but this film is quite frankly an embarrassing waste of everyone’s time.

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