Just press A….

Hey computer game designers, yeah you, I want a word. Why is it that in all games I play there is always a bit I get stuck on? I’m not talking about a lack of save points, swarms of overpowering enemies, being unable to find something like a key or switch, I’m not even talking about boss fights (after all they’re supposed to be hard). No I’m talking about when you programme the game to ignore all natural laws of physics and make it impossible from me to jump from one place to another. It’s simple, all I have to do is jump from point A to point B, and can I do it? Can I f**k. I’m an experienced gamer and by this point I have slain umpteen enemies, collected things, explored worlds and destroyed bosses fifty times my size but can I reach that platform from the one I’m on? Or will I just fall down a hole and have to start all over again? Well I think you know the answer. After what seems like hours of thumb punishingly trying the same bit over and over, constantly resisting the urge to hurl my controller through my television screen I will eventually do it, more out of luck than skill. Then I can breathe a sigh of relief and wonder what all the fuss was about and why it ‘just couldn’t have done that in the first place?’ and get on with my game. But at the time I’m in it, screaming and pulling out my hair it feels like I’m never going to do it, like it will never end, ever. But why does it have to be this way? If nothing else it makes me look like a dick; I can bring down a beast the size of a small block of flats but can’t leap a couple of feet, lame, time consuming and totally uncool.

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