Self service is pointless…

Supermarket self service what’s that all about then? If I’m shopping, spending money I want to be served, I wouldn’t give a hooker £100 to watch me masturbate, same diff. Plus the idea that its quicker is a joke the last time I was in a supermarket approaching the tills there was one person at the self service and about nine at the actual tills so I joined the shorter queue, naturally, and was surprised when I was still standing in line as all the other customers were served and long gone. The trouble is that people are generally stupid, no really, go into your local convenience store and observe the people at the self service pawing at the screen like a dense cat at a wildlife documentary that can’t work out why it keeps getting static shocks and not a claw full of bright pink flamingo feathers. You see allsorts people trying to scan various goods under the glow of the flashing red ‘you’re doing that wrong’ light, if the sullen faced checkout monkeys can manage it why cant you? Watching some moron try and scan the front of a packet of humbugs for ages is hilarious, one of those moments you wish could last longer, but you secretly wish the staff would just put them out of their misery. My own experience of self service embarrassment came in the form of trying to buy firstly from my basket a packet of crisps, I scanned the item no problem and popped it in the ‘bagging area’ only to be informed by the monotonously annoying robot voice to ‘please place your item in the bagging area’, I have, ‘please place you item in the bagging area’, I have, again and again ‘please place your item in the bagging area’ I have placed my f*cking item in the bagging area! Its then that it dawns on me that the Quavers I was trying to purchase were indeed as the slogan proclaims ‘floaty light’, as in they didn’t weigh anything, thus rendering my self service expedition irrelevant, plus I had alcohol so a pimply goon still had to come over, stare at me for a minute and press the ‘verify age button’ after he’d finished stacking up a load of chocolate hobnobs. So like I said supermarket self service what’s that all about then?

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