What’s going on?

Years ago we were all warned about the dangers of wearing tight pants, how the pressure on your balls would somehow lead to bad fertility and canker and generally squashed nuts. So the humble boxers were born and became the pants of choice for men the length and breath of the country, swing free my beauties. Yet today stick old two short planks Beckham in a pair of ball huggingly awful y-fronts and photoshop his cock out of all proportion so it looks like if he even waved it anywhere near Vicky she’d snap and tight pant sales go up by 70%. Similarly, apparently thanks to Russell ‘I love myself too much to ever love anyone else’ Brand, v-neck t-shirts are back, and now very unattractive men are sharing their carpeted nips for all and sundry. According to the chief buyer for Topshop ‘the increase in v-neck sales has been enhanced by the younger shoppers identifying with modern bands like the kooks’, the kooks, the f*ckin kooks holy shit this country’s going to the dogs. The kids are aspiring to be white upper class rich kids who swapped prefect badges and blazers for guitars and ‘bohemian’ clothes. Next everyone will be writing songs about teenage w*nk problems and how hard it is to accessorise with the current climate of men’s jewellery available. Let’s start a campaign to get the Strangers to the top of the charts because there really are ‘No more heroes’ anymore.

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