Is This It?

Oh the constant cycle of life, well my life anyway. Get up go to work, work all day, go home, watch a film or some television, go to sleep then do it all again. Forget to answer important mail, struggle to find time to shave, forget to feed pets, occasionally eat and try to remember to wash. Shop minimally due to lack of funds, keep feelings bottled up, try to take the right amount of medication and pretend to be happy. Force myself out of bed, take some photographs, drink too much, punish myself and do a quick wash of work shirts. Eventually make bed after three weeks, empty ashtray, take out trash, read a bit of a book until bored or out of time and masturbate. Try to remember to charge phone, dye hair, pick spots and wonder why I still get them, put off tidying room, write a song, go see a film and smoke despite saying I am quitting. Play guitar, wander round a graveyard, check the internet and avoid going home. Look at self in mirror decide that I’m fat and that I should go for a run but never do, steal some chocolate, get annoyed with everything, cut myself and then feel bad. Think too much, see someone I’d rather not, not see someone I want to, see couples, wish I had someone and feel alone. Feel tired all the time, fake liking someone to avoid confrontation, ignore phone if caller can’t be identified and tell lies. Read the paper, drink bad coffee, come up with ludicrous money making scheme that wont work and listen to some depressing music. Spend too long reminiscing, D.J. for a night, wish I could afford a new tattoo and cry at old photographs. Pick nose, do washing up badly, wonder what I could sell, take some drugs and feel like crap. Watch sunrise, accumulate rubbish, have unhealthy bowel movements and talk to myself. Play a computer game, write a poem, spend too long looking for an item of clothing and go walking in the rain. Go to work and realise I have to back in a few hours so sleep in my office, try to remember the last time I had a relaxing bath, open and then close my food cupboard and contemplate acupuncture. Dream of escaping, wish I was someone else, wish I was somewhere else, consider how easy it would be to disappear, remember all the people that love me, reconsider and carry on. Keep going I tell myself, it wont be like this forever, but more and more I’m thinking it will be and I’m scared. 

This entry was posted in Thoughts and musings. Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Is This It?

  1. Moniqa says:

    I think there is a parallel universe (LIFE) waiting for everyone. Your life is a representation of you and I mean that in a good way. The choice of making the simplest action, thought or behaviour differently and just like that life opens up to you a parallel universe/life with new possibilities/ results. OK it doesn\’t always work but it\’s a thought that counts. Take care x  

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s