where im at right now.

I kind of realised that I hadn’t actually blogged anything of any great interest of late, just reviews, new links and the odd photograph. So in an effort to explain myself and be honest without upsetting anyone I though it was time for an entry to bring people up to speed. Well let’s start at the beginning; I’ve been very stressed and consequently very depressed lately. Its an accumulation of work, family, so called friends, money worries, court appearances (or not) and the failure of a relationship that I had probably put too much faith in. All in all everything turned on its head within the space of a few days and I went from being in a positive and semi-happy place to somewhere I’d been before and frankly never wanted to go again. You see with the onset of the stress and pressure comes the sleepless nights, the panic attacks, the mood swings and reckless abandon. I find myself not caring about eating, sleeping, work, my appearance, control, authority, hobbies or anything. All I want to do is get drunk, hide under my bed and wait for a miracle that will never come. I hate when I’m this weak, I need to be strong for those around me who have troubles but I can only take so much and last week I made a complete twat of my self by breaking down at work. The thing is it felt good to cry and let some of it out but all the time my mind was thinking ‘you’re a manager your staff shouldn’t see you like this, what are you doing, be professional’ but I couldn’t help myself, I just had to go with it. Since that point I’ve been trying to take control, sort things out and try to get back from wherever it is I am at the moment. It doesn’t help when every time I pick up my prescription the doctor has attached a note telling me off for under using my medication, I think when I put in my next repeat prescription I will attach a note saying ‘I can’t always afford them, I’m not good at the moment and where are the results of my heart scan I’m still dreading?’ So in summary sad, tired, lonely and stressed.

This entry was posted in random. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s