kids menu blues.

What is it with kid’s menus? Kids already have a pretty good life they have no bills, no mortgage, and no responsibilities they only have to turn up Monday to Friday from 9 till 3:30 and learn about stuff, compared to actual life they’ve got it pretty easy. Not only do they get to play with toys and eat sweets they don’t have to pay bills or council tax. So why do they get the best menus? We get all these fancy meals they get sausages beans and mash, scrambled eggs on toast etc just simple fun meals. Yet if I ask if I can have a meal from their menu I get a face full of abuse, no are you a child? No I’m not but id really like fish fingers, chips and beans. Well you cant fucking have that because you’re too old, well fuck you royally you dick. Sometimes I can’t manage a massive meal I don’t need a full course, old people can’t eat as much as the young but can they eat of the kids menu no make them buy a main meal and leave some because then we’ve got there cash. They have no cash! They barely have a pension, they lived through 2 world wars so you could do whatever and you still can’t let them have alphabites and beans. There is a whole argument that if you made the kids menu available to all then students will just hang around all day making a £1.50 meal last all day, well tough shit. I’m a big believer in the concept of I’ll sleep when I’m tired and I’ll eat when I’m hungry. Some days I want a three course meal other days I want a snack either way at some point in my life I will buy things from both menus. Its like people go why do students get discounts? Well it’s because that in the future they will be the people that you get your prescription from and they will be designing all the buildings round where you live and they will be designing things to make you life better. So if they will be enhancing your life in some way is it such a bad thing if they want something from the kids menu? They can’t have anything from it because they are not kids and they should pay full because they are old. Have you ever noticed that there is also no equivalent to the kids menu, I wouldn’t mind if dinobites and beans was even an option on the main menu but for some reason all venues and restaurants believe that once you reach a certain age all you really want is cous cous salad or lamb tagine. It seems like fantasy if anyone over the age of eight turns round and demands alpha-betty-spaghetti. If I have the cash I’ll eat off the grown ups menu, if I’m skint or just would rather eat fun food I’ll eat of the kids menu, no you fucking wont, in the great scheme of things is it so bad to want kids stuff? Yes it fucking is how dare you even suggest that you could eat off a menu that wasn’t designed for you? Chill out you uptight motherfuckers you only live once and if the whole purpose of your existence is to not let me eat dinky food then you need to seriously take a long look at yourself and come back to me.

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