What did ducks eat before bakeries? They can’t just survive on flour-based products surely. And luckily for ducks a way to dispense bread to them was invented called a park. But before the pond was there a load of ducks stood round a bread bin going ‘when this opens it’ll be worth it’ and wishing they had opposable thumbs. When you feed ducks they go mad and quack a lot, I don’t think this is because they are grateful or hungry but because yet again we have turned up with cobs unfit for human consumption. We only ever give them shit bread I bet they are crying out for a Warburton’s half and half. It will soften up once it hits the water. This won’t be a popular theory but I don’t think ducks were designed to float, because you are not even supposed to give them bread as it swells up inside them bloating them right up. You often see a duck trying to dive under the water only to see it bob back up moments later wishing it hadn’t eaten that extra nan. This too may explain why they walk so funny and you hardly ever see them poo. Stupider than ducks though are swans they bully the ducks out of the way to get at the mouldy bread, the big white idiots.