Should you ever need to make an appointment with a doctor may I suggest you make one with an old wife instead? I went to the doctors this morning and the conversation went a little like this:
Doc: hi what seems to be the problem?
Me: I’ve had this awful cold for about ten weeks now.
Doc: yes there is a bug going round, make sure you cover yourself up properly
Doc: you know do your jacket up, also paracetamol are quite good.
Doc: try to steam it out of you and drink sips of luke warm water like it’s a cup of tea. You could get some strepsils or lozenges from the chemist. Basically you need lots of good rest.
Doc: oh and try not to talk.
Me: well thanks a lot Sherlock, thanks for those pearls of wisdom, who the f*ck are you my granny? I know all that I actually want something to help me get better not a load of old b*llocks. Did you make me get out of bed at nine for this drivel? You jumped up, white coat wearing asshole; you probably get paid at least three times what I get for being equally as bright. Take you stethoscope and f*ck off.